No skillz
by Lenipez sideshow
Summary: the self insert right of passage, ah the sweet smell of flames in the morning... no skills in Haven means death. best to find some skills then?
1. Chapter 1

Haha we've joked abou this forever so here it is yay? Prolly not.

---No Skillz---

I rang the doorbell like a maniac. Its annoying chime repeated itself over and over again. The door opened and I grinned.

Erika glared at me, she squinted her eyes and made a fist and said in that mumbly growl she has "I hate you."

This could or could not be true I have never been quite sure really. But we are best friends. Her hair was almost shoulder length and crowded around her face like a multi colored golden mane. When she got mad I could nearly imagine her turning into a lion or something. This is only reinforced when she scratches you with her long nails. She was wearing a black t-shirt and jeans.

I took of my wet shoes and trench coat. It was raining out. I stop and look at her. "JAK THREE!" I squealed.

She looks at me and laughed. She bought Jak 3 months ago yet it was still our joke.

"Oooooh" she said a bit randomly, "I can't wait till august."

"Any special reason?"

"Well first all kinds of video games are gona come out, kingdom hearts two, final fantasy twelve, and I forget...oh JAK X! And um…. mage knight booster come out and…." She continued to list as I bounded up the stairs. They are right in front of the front door.

I jump pinto her room and sit on the floor. The wallpaper is green. Mage knights liter the floor a ps2 is perched precariously on a computer chair and her bed is planted firmly in front of a TV.

I turned on the ps2 and she glared at me…"what!" I yelled, " I have to beat EROL!"

She rolled her eyes and picked up her game pro. Why I was playing at her house when I have my own ps2 is a mystery that cannot nor ever be explained…. it's just more fun this way.

So, I sat there playing Jak 3 and driving after this humongous boss trying to shoot it. I yell at the screen when my car flips up and over a dune and gets stuck there. Erika burst out laughing. Jak's dune buggy is firmly stuck. I start fake whining, "Noooo nonono come one I'm stuUuUk," I cried.

"Try jumping out" Erika told me while laughing.

I hit triangle and go tumbling out of the car. I press the look button and zoom in on the car stranded up on the dune.

"That worked!" I yelled as we both burst out in laughter again.

"I HATE THIS GAME!" I yelled melodramatically. As soon as I beat it, I knew I would say I love this game and squeal. But I never beat the game you see. Cause being the crazy people we are Erika and I took a walk…yes in the rain I know.

We lived in a rural area so the houses were far apart with lots of trees. And there was a corner store about a mile away and they were now serving slush puppies. The great pilgrimage began.

So, about half way there we were discussing stargate and the new season coming up. And all the funny things in the show and quoting them.

"Jafa! CreeEeEeEEEE!" Erika sang a bit to happily. I grinned and began to skip backwards. I'm good at that.

"Hey when are you doing to update Get Your…."

"NEVER!" I cried triumphantly, "I really need to change the title?"

"But its fun to say…" she trailed off.

"But it sounds retarded!" I proclaimed. I like proclaiming things.

"Exactly," she said with a little hand motion.

"You suck at life." I told her and stared at my feet with fake despair.

"Hey Sarah?" I looked up at her when she said my name, "what's that?"

She pointed at a large metal thing in the gully by the side of the road.

"OH! Shiny!" I yell and jump into the gully like a retard. My mother called us tardo sisters sometimes.

I picked it up, it well it was weird really look like a metallic ball things bolted to it.

I jumped out of the gully and we stared at it. There was a big red button on it. Erika quirked an eyebrow. I looked at her and back at the strange metal thing.

"I'm not pressing it." I said staring at it.

She shook her head vigorously.

"Watch it like I dunno, call the FBI…."

"Or or…." She said…. i was now caring it as we walked. Don't question it, that's how it happened. "It'll suck us into some weird alternate dimension like those stories online."

I looked at her and laughed, "then we'll die straight away cause we have no skills right."

"Right!" she said with a bit of a half skip. Did I mention it was still raining cause it was?

Then I tripped in a big puddle. I hate tripping. I nearly dropped the big metal thing. I fumbled with it and grabbed it again.

Now before I get any father I must remind you to never ever ever ever press the big red button. So, you can guess what happened.

I fell into Erika and somehow one of us, we still fight over this, press the button.

"Get off of me!" she said with an angry mumble.

I rolled off of her and noticed it wasn't raining. The pavement was gone. I was a bit slow so Erika figured it out way before me.

"Where are we?" she asked a bite innocently.

I looked about, forest in every direction. Big green leafy treeness. And it was pretty. Much prettier than the leafy goodness at home "Um…. well…holy shit?" I said with a complete lack of thoughts in brain.

I didn't notice then but the strange contraption had vanished, or maybe our way home is still back in the forest. To lazzy to go look so lets continue with the story.

I had no clue where we were. I slapped myself discreetly. Erika gave me a funny look. She always gives me funny looks when I swear.

"Why don't we go…that way." I pointed in a random direction. We walked through the pretty forest for a bit till we came to a little rock cliff thing. It doesn't mater really. I scampered up it. Erika took a bit longer, there was a little cave and the most weirdest thingy I have ever seen ever.

"Erika!" I yelled. She was right behind me and looked down at what I was looking at.

"Is that?" she asked.

"Precursor crap?" I ask. I think she nodded her head.

Because right in front of us hovering impossibly over a bottomless abyss was a golden hovery thing.

"Then that means…" Erika said slowly in that smart way she has. We turned around and looked down a very familiar view of haven forest.

"HOLY SHIT!" I suddenly sat down cross-legged.

Erika gave me a very strange look with one eyebrow raised; she always looked at me funny when I swore.


	2. Chapter 2

Haha more! Insanity…. This is my worst writing ever! Go to lenipez sideshow's stories…they are much better, wait I'm her evil twin! I'm supposed to give her a bad wrapp…….. crap.

---no skills---2 or was it 3 (counts on fingers and gives up )

"You get on it"

"No you get"

"No you!"

We were getting nowhere fast. I sure as hell was not getting on a piece of a precursor crap over a bottomless abyss.

"You go." I said

I suddenly found myself on the piece of precursor crap. Maybe she does hate me. Maybe she wasn't kidding about killing me in my sleep. The thing jerked and started to move. I was staring down into an endless abyss. You ever stared into one of those? No I don't think. Howling abyss are bad scary and make little boys with bed wetting problems want to pee.

I pulled my self up into a cross-legged position and watched Erika disappear. I was scared shitless. And I stayed scared….till well the little piece of precursor crap didn't move very fast so I was very annoyed. It was five freaking minutes of howling abyss! You ever stared into one of those before? I didn't think so. And then it stopped in front a ledge…well about two feet from it. I looked up at the sky. Some one out there really wanted me dead.

So, I did the moist intelligent thing ever. I shut my eyes and jumped. I landed on solid ground and fell, that's right on my ass. I watched the rinky-dink piece of precursor crap float away.

"Piece of crap…" I muttered evilly.

"OOOOOOh" I nearly purred approaching the little rinky-dink piece of precursor crap called a warp gate, "Warp gaty…"

So, I figured why the hell not. I'm impatient my best friend just tried to kill me and it looked like a wooshy stargate. Curiosity will kill. And some one will giggle. I'm not naming names.

So first things first. Where was the on switch? I fumbled around, poked it, and prodded it in all the unsafest of manners. But nothing.

"AAAARG!" Erika jumped onto the ledge; "You lived!" she glared at me and clubbed me in the shoulder.

I glared at her. "You push me onto piece of crap precursor stuff that may or may not work and you expect every thing to be fine?"

"yep"

"Alright then as long as we have an understanding." I grinned and pushed her toward the gate. It suddenly whooshed open. I wish I could've made it whoosh but it whooshed blue and she disappeared.

Two murder attempts in one day. Nothing unusual I swear.

I followed stepping threw none to gracefully.

Now you would think that going through some super fancy dancy technology thingy would be well, fancy dancy. But no, it felt exactly like what the machine did. Take you apart atom by atom and put you back to gather with an uncomfortable tingly feeling.

I stepped out in front of Erika, she glared. I grinned. There was a big door near by and it was already open.

"So are we going to go through the big mechanical doors?"

"suuuure."

We walk in. I adjusted my trench coat. I felt cool at that moment but that feeling never lasted long so I took the moment to enjoy it.

The door shut with a crash. Erika eiped like a small woodland creature and jumped. If she weren't so evil, she would have sounded half way cute. I hate being cute.

So, I smacked her. She punched me. I tackled her. The other door opened and we tumbled out in a flurry of biting eiping and trench coat wooshyness.

We tumbled down this long ramp. And onto grass, I rolled away and grabbed my nose. "OOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW!" I screamed melodramatically. I like being melodramatic.

Erika got up like nothing had happened. "OoooH! They're strange, they're big I want to poke them!" she rushed over to the giant rutabaga and began to poke it.

I think by now the shock of the whole situation had driven us crazy. Don't think it mattered much any more.

"HEY" some one big and masculine yelled, "stop poking those vegetables!"

Erika eiped as a large pointy-eared man in red armor strolled up.

"Eip" she eiped again and stepped away from the vegetables. "But…but…I want to poke them…" she mumbled miserably.

I got up and looked around at all the pointy-eared people….

Man were there ears big and pointy.

"Hey," Erika said coming over and punching me. Again… In the same place.

"What?"

"Lets go and try to mess this place up as much as possible…"

"Huh" I've always been a bit slow so I took me a moment.

"Like blowing up the oracle and seeing what happens." She said with a grin and an explody little hand gesture.

"That's not smart," I said for it didn't sound like a very good idea. "Were would we get explosives."

She shrugged. "I...want a jet board." She said suddenly. "We HAVE to get one!"

"…. Okay." I said slowly I was always aware that Erika was insane but I think this place has a knack for driving people over the edge. She had the twinkle in her eye that spoke of madness. Finally, we were on the same page.

"And" she said firmly. " I want a cool trench coat like yours."

I laughed.

"So how are we gona do all this?" I asked as we walked along the veggies of monstrous size.

She shrugged.

"We got no skills…" I trailed off. Erika was quiet.

"So we're gona die right off the get go?"

"Probably!" I shouted. I don't like dieing it look like it hurts.

Erika was quiet for a moment…"SHHHH! We'll find skills." She looked around warily. "Some where…" I wondered briefly if you could find them under rocks. I voiced this opinion then dismissed the idea with a discrete slap.

We both burst out laughing. It was just all too ridiculous. I thought that miss piggy and a marching band of resurrected zombies could appear at any moment and demand all of my potatoes. In which case I would have to explain to them that I had no potatoes. Which would have been a lovely mess. That's how ridiculous it was.

Her we were with no skills, in a video game, or something, going to find skills and explosives to blow up the oracle. Why? Erika's teeth were probably itchy and we did pressed the big red button earlier. Bad stuff happens I tell you when you press buttons.

I realized then that I would probably never get that slushy.

"We're walking corpses aren't we?" I said forlornly.

"Yep!" Erika said with glee and started to skip. I had written Erika into a fan fiction before. She had been a crazy gang leader. Suddenly I knew this couldn't end well. I hunched my shoulders and followed her despondently into a metallic part of the city.


	3. Chapter 3

Wow! Some one reviewed other than Erika. That is amazing. I've never been entirely sure what a marry sue is… and the narater is me. Yes, I'm a little slow sometimes so blah! And yes, Erika is a real person. And she's just like this too. A bit cracked I know. So here's another round of insanity.

--- No skillz---

It was night by time we figured out we had nowhere to go. I huddle myself up in my trench and leaned against a wall. Erika had long lost the evil fun loving glint in her eyes and was staring at the brick wall across from us with the intensity of a slow child thinking very hard. Which she was.

I wanted a bed. I wanted my bed. My wonderful nautilus airbed. I'm not shitting you I had one of those things. So comfy. Unlike the brick wall I was leaning against.

"Hey Keet?" I asked using my pet name for her. Don't look at me like that I've known her since she was two months old. You know Krikeet the parakeet. No? Well you have no sense of humor. Anyway…

"What" she growled at me.

"Where's that thing that um... transported us here?"

"I dunno," she said rising her voice to near whining pitch at the end, "home?"

I shrugged, like I said it was probably in the woods… but most likely not.

The city was horribly dirty. I had only ever been to one big city before and that was Boston. This soooooo wasn't Boston.

It started to rain. Big fat wet drops of coldness. I looked across the muddy street with slit eyes. I was not a happy camper. Wait that's an understatement, at this point being an unhappy camper with severe schizophrenia would be better than being me.

An annoying bright flickery sing caught my attention.

"Hey," I kicked Erika with my foot. She mumbled and looked up at me. "We just going to sit here all night?"

"I dunno!" she mumble whined agitatedly again.

I sighed, "Get up…." I said firmly. "How do you expect to blow up the oracle if we die of hypothermia?" She looked at me funny.

"Over there…." I pointed at the bar.

"She looked at me funny again. Erika usually liked to be a good girl with evil ambitions. Sometimes she forgets this.

I started to drag her across the street.

"But we're underage!" she mumbled as I dragged her into the warm booze ridden bar.

"I don't think they care…" I said as I looked around and saw boys younger than her annoying skater punk little brother washing down beers and feeling up whores. Lovely place I must say. Erika got quiet. When it came to us a dynamic duo Erika lead when we were alone. She was smart, horrifying, bigger than me, and a little crazy. But when it came to people, I did the talking.

I spotted a table, adjusted my trench and walked over putting on the demeanor I used at school, which I must add was vastly cooler than the immature person I rely am. At least I hope so…probably not but a girl can try right.

We sat down and Erika stared around with her darty hazel eyes. Io sighed at least it was warm and no fat stupid man on a hover chair who I would imagined smell as ugly as her looked.

"Hey ladies…. Can I buy you gals a drinky?" I nearly fell out of my chair as the man who had had to many drinkies that night himself slobbered all over our table. He was sickeningly lanky unkept and had greasy hair and bad teeth.

I stared at him for amount with my version of a death glare. I was good at those too. Erika stared up at him and back at me.

"Hell no." I said blankly.

"Oh come…. hic... on girlies…. it'll be a hoot!" he attempted to purr as he nearly fell over.

"Go away," Erika said glaring a very different death glare than mine.

He was leaning to close to me now and he smelled like alcohol. His face was in front of mine. Erika was probably wondering why I hadn't done anything yet.

I must add…back home I was known for doing crazy stuff. Jumping over people sitting in desks, running along cafeteria seats and tables. And especially for spontaneously and effectively hurting people. I do it a lot ask Erika.

So, I grabbed him by the hair and smashed his face into the table. He didn't hit so squarely and I hit my knuckles. He staggered around drunkenly and tipped over like a dazed cow. No one seemed to notice.

Erika burst out giggling, and so did I. We entertained our self for the next ten minutes watching the narsty drunk retain his balance. Watch them stumble see them bumble…. You get my point.

A pretty looking young bartender clicked over in her oh so feminine high heels. She smiled.

"You girls want anything?" she asked with a sickly sweet voice. Erika shook her head like a nun watching an orgy. You ever seen that? Me neither. Hope I never do.

I smiled my lopsided mischievous grin. Erika may be a potential mass murdering homicidal maniac, but I have no fear. Well I do. But you know what I mean. Ask my once the answers no. Ask me twice. Why the hell not?

I then received a viscous kick to the shins. I squealed unceremoniously so I shook my head. The waitress looked at us funny and wandered away. Why does every one look at us funny?

I heard the door squeak open over the ruckus and looked up. We weren't far from the door. I got a sudden feeling of deja this seems familiarly vu.

Like I said before I'm slow, so I took me a minute to place the blonde hair and the massive cigar.

"Erika!" I said in a hoarse whisper for no good reason.

"What?" Erika asked back in the same over loud hoarse whisper.

"I think that's Jinx…"

She snapped her head and gaped. I stared too…I have never seen a cigar that big.

"…Come on!" she said pushing her seat back.

I give her an unlikely look.

"We can at least try…."

I scrunched up me mouth real small in the way I do when I think hard…some time I twitch too but not this time it wasn't that strenuous.

"Okay…." We got up and walked over to his lonely bar table. I wasted no time and simply sat down in front of him and attempted not to let the cigar smoke bother me. My parents smoked I was used to it…sorta. Erika sat down next to me hesitantly. It was her Idea I thought gloomily.

"Hello Jinx." I said blandly. I adjusted my hat… Kay I get nervous I play with my hat. I know I'm so vain. Hey, I play with it when I get board too.

He gave me an odd look…. I realized then. Bare with me I'm slow like this, that I was lacking the long pointy ears of any normal person in the room. I cleared my throat.

"What you staring at you?" I said trying to be all intimidating like. I'm not good at that…. I'll be honest.

"Aight…. who sent you?" he said in that greasy slightly new yorkish accent.

The question threw me off so bad I forgot to stumble on it, "no one, we were just looking around for work and were told to check you out."

"Aren't you young to be hookers." He flicked his cigar in the ashtray. Erika went wide-eyed for a second then glared. I simply groaned.

"No dumb ass." I hate being accused of being sexually ambiguous. It just bothers me. "We do odd jobs…not men,"

Erika snickered. Jinx looked skeptical.

"You chicks got names?" he looked interested now. I'm sure the chances of us actually getting a job from him must have been next to nilch. But miracles happen.

"That's Eruka. " I said with a nod of my head. She used the name in role-playing video games and the likes. Meh why not I had thought.

I paused for a moment. "…My sister." We had always planed at some point to pull of being sisters or even twin. We were both blonde. But that was it. But that's all that maters. And was more brownish any way.

"And I'm Leni…" I said with only half a thought. For the moment, I forgot the name I used in role-playing, video games and the likes. I had forever eff-ed up the universal balance of Erika and Sarah on a whirlwind adventure. It must have been the Jak 2 ness of the place. Alls I could think about was my pen name on fan fic. I'm a dork. I know.

The newly proclaimed Eruka, Remember I like proclaiming things, kicked me viscously once again for using the wrong name and messing with the natural order of things. This name of mine shall not be mentioned for it is the reason for the messing of the ways that are ours. Don't ask I just confused myself too.

Where was I? Oh yesems…

"Aight."

He was the finest conversationalist I ever met. Maybe…just a little.

I watched him look around with darty eyes. I looked around too. "Umm you waiting for some one or something."

For some reason at this moment, I started thinking about machetes. I don't know why. But I did. And at the same time, I imagined jinx in a Darth Vader mask. Hopefully he is not my father. Yes that mind of mine? Yeah where was I?

"Sort of," he said looking toward the door. I nodded and gave Erika what should have been a meaningful look and poked her.

Apparently, the door opened. I didn't notice. Somebody with heavy boots walked over.

"Oh hey, there you are!" jinx said suddenly snapping to life again.

Jinx got out of the booth and walked away. I didn't notice, I was attempting to read the crazy Elvin signs…. gibberish I tell you, gibberish.

Erika was poking me and trying to attract my attention with mumbled complaints. I completely ignored her. One of these days, it just might be important. Jinx came back and I snapped to attention.

"Alright girls…." He said in that swindler kind of jinxy way he had about himself, "Yous got your self a job. I need this delivered to the race stadium."

He handed Erika a package. She looked at it and shook it. I elbowed her; it would be just our luck that she broke it.

"And that's the pass to get there, now scram I got things to do."

Erika and I stood awkwardly for a moment and made for the door. Out in the dirty city air, I really wasn't used to it coming from the mostly rural area I came from, Erika started hopping up and down.

"Yesssss!" she hissed…

"We got skills?" I said walking past her…. it was still raining and I had no desire to walk all the way to the race stadium.

"Um Sarah…its that way…." She said pointing down the other side of the street.

"Right." I said and started walking behind her.

"What do you think this is?" she shook it again.

"No idea…. but maybe something good will happen when we get there…." I trailed of realizing suddenly I had just laid the biggest jinx I could of ever laid.

"Maybe…" Erika mumbled over the rain, "but probably not."

At least we were on the same page.


	4. Chapter 4

Air of mystery: hehehehe I love you! That is the longest review I have ever received and it actually has a valid point . My grammar sucks, with burning ferocity of something that really sucks. Actually, English is not something I am good at, at all. My beta reader got sick and I have never heard from her again… and second of all the fic is actually a reaction to all the humor fics that have random stuff happen in it. Those really bother me and well I don't like them. Getting sucked into the game fics usually annoy me. And I honestly don't think making random stuff happen will make it any better. I think we both have to come terms and realize this is a fan fiction, and it most likely sucks really bad. This is more of a personal joke between a friend and I, and the idea of the whole fic was that if anybody really got sucked into a game it wouldn't go as well as it does in other fics, and thus die quickly due to a lack of skill. And I would really love if you would read another story of mine and give me all the constructive criticism you possibly can, minus making fun of my grammar. I am fully aware of the lacking qualities it possesses. It's called Get Your Freak On and the title is lame but people tell me its okay… but your s seems like a good second opinion.

To every one else…I'm glad some one likes it.

Wow, I obviously have too much time on my hands…. I need a new hobby.

---No Skillz--- ch4

I was soaked, soaked to the bone and very very wet. It was only thanks to Erika's former obsession with the game that had successfully led us to the stadium. My feet hurt and my shoes were wet.

We trudged up the steps without saying anything. We came to the long curving hall way with the garages on either side. I stopped, which one could it be. Eeny meany miny moe…

Erika fiddled with the package for a moment, "ha!" she triumphantly mumbled. "Garage six."

"Aight," we walked along the hall until we came to number six. If the door opened and revealed Keira, I decided that I would firmly kick her ass. I never ever liked Keira; it was mostly her voice now that I think of it, and the suspenders…yup maybe just the suspenders.

Erika stood in front of the door and stared at me, "you just gona stand there or what?" I asked her. I then started to bang on the door, it was a very loud sounding metallic thunking in the very quite hall.

The door suddenly clanked open. A very bleary eyed Keira blinked at us. Erika immediately began to giggle. I bit the inside of my lip. Great, just great.

"Uh …this is from Jinx," I said snatching the package away from Erika.

"Oh." She said sounding surprised. I released the inside of my lip. Her voice wasn't as bad as in the game, far less squeaky in fact. "Hang on…" she darted out form view giving us a clear view of her messy garage. She reappeared with a chipper smile plastered across her face.

"Tell Jinx thanks for me…" she dropped three red plastic disks in my hand. Plastic. Plastic money, paper money was bad enough but plastic?

"Hey …um... you know where we could um find him?" Erika said speaking up for once. It was a very good question, one I would not have thought to think of which I obviously hadn't.

"At the underground…wait you are with the underground right," a panicked look suddenly ran across her innocent face.

"Well we're not against it," I said honestly. I take back what I said about her earlier, I felt kind of bad for her. I wondered briefly if sea foam blue was the equivalent of blonde in haven…

"Oh," this seemed to wash away her doubts, how horribly naïve, "well try the underground HQ," she said with a grin, "and you better not steal my money." She hit a switch and the door slammed in our faces.

Maybe she wasn't so horribly innocent or naïve. No brownie points earned for her anyway. We were still out on the streets in the rain.

"Nooooo…." Erika whined in a soft mumble, " the underground is all the way over there…." She pointed and sighed.

"Oh suck it up." I punched her in the shoulder.

"Go away…." She mumbled near playfully.

"Well come on… maybe those bunk beds are you know real…" I said referring to the underground head quarters.

"Maybe!" she chirped.

So thus, we walked out into the rainy night in a very dirty city. Exactly what both our parents had always feared would happen to us in their worst nightmares.

"Okay, okay my turn," I thought deeply, "Cloud or link?"

Erika scrunched up her face, "Definitely Cloud!" she said.

"Oh come on!" I lamented. I was going to marry link one day, I would find away, if I could be sucked into haven then I could marry link. There was no better blond elf in the entire world, I mean it, none. Hyrule would have been so much nicer. I told Erika this and she giggled.

"Bet its got nicer weather too," she commented.

My trench was so wet by now it was a near burden to wear. At least the damnable thing was warm in the winter. Erika was always jealous of it, she would probably be glad she didn't have one if she knew how heavy it was now.

We were passing a dark narrow ally on our left when a voice hissed out at us, "don't move of I'll blow you head clear off!"

I froze. I had been waiting for something dread full to happen to us. A young dark haired elf man emerged from the ally, he was just as wet as we were and his long wet hair clung to his face. His gray coat was tattered and his eyes looked about the same, gray and worn.

He held the small blaster shakily in one hand; he was obviously nervous and unsure off himself. I was frozen, I hate guns. Guns are scary, there's no honor in them. A simply click and you were dead. That simple. I didn't sink in to me off how unsure and inexperience the mugger was, he had a gun, and I was a natural coward.

"Let me see your hands!" he yelled a little hysterically, waving the gun about and motioning at both of us. I lifted up my hands with out hesitating. If you think about even for a little its common knowledge, that dieing is not desirable.

"Give me all your money!" he yelled again over the pouring rain. Thunder decided to rumble ominously somewhere in the distance.

"Aight, aight" I managed to mumble, my voice didn't sound like mine and trembled horribly as I spoke. I slowly reached into my pocket and pulled out the wretched plastic money.

He snatched from my hand quickly, and then stared at us in awe. It must have been some valuable plastic chips.

He waved his gun at the two of us one last time and bolted into the dark stormy night. Yes, I know cliché yet true.

I just stood there dazed for a moment and Erika poked my shoulder.

"Saaaaaarah?" she whispered slowly.

I nodded.

"That wasn't our money…." She trailed off.

I couldn't make my brain work.

"Jinx is going to kill us…and I think Keira might hold us down."

I could only nod dumbly.


	5. Chapter 5

OH MY! i've never had so much contraversy with a story, its either sucked or rocked...

ms-commander: well, i think the story its self is quit simple. its a rather nonchalant self insert that fails to be funny that i rather enjoy writing. it was not the story but the concept... i should have kept my mouth shut.

Jemisard: . i'll work on it.

i would like to thank every one who reviewed just for taking the time to reveiw.

Lorana! don't jump!

ps. I own nothing but my self!

---no skillz-- ch5

here we were outside of the hq, and neither of us had the guts to go in. i had the disconcerting feeling in my stomach that felt like I had eaten a bar of lead. so i stood there in the rain simply dreading with that childlike feeling that my life was over.

"Come on!" Erika sudenly yanked at me and propelled us towards the sliding door. surprisingly it simply lurched open, not even locked.

she started to drag me down those long narow steps, at least we're out of the rain, i tried to think optimisticaly.

"alright alright" I pushed her way, "you can let go now..."

she continued down the steps ahead of me with our even looking back.

"TORN!" i heard her voice shout out in the small room bellow.

the lead bar in mystomach started excercice classes.

"WHAT!" a gruff angry voice bellowed. I faintly heard Erika 'eip' in distress. i hurried down the stairs and hopfully to her rescue.

Torn is an intimidaiting man, by sheer force of being angry. he was glaring death rays at erika from behind his table of maps. i bite the inside of my cheek and bounded up behind Erika, "You seen Jinx?"

Torn turned hisslits that served as eyes to me. he crosssed his arms and staightened up, "he was here earlier, said he forgot to tell his eran boys where to meet him..."

Erika looked down at her feet, i mentaly sighed, "yeah thats us."

Torn grumbled and rumaged through his pile of stuff. i betr hes gota swim suit edition of somthing in that pile.

he looked up and chucked somthing metalic at me. I fumbled it sliped through my fingers and Erika snatched it up.

"he said to give you that and to tell you that he'd eat you alive if you stole his money." he actualy gave us a rougish grin. I scrunched my face up in what must have been a guilty look.

"don't tell me you were stupid enough to get mugged?"

I tried to look him in the eye but those tatooes were just too distracting. Erika nodded slowly.

I groaned dramaticaly, "came up behind and took every thing, Jinx's money ours... our weapons even..." i said biterly.

Erika's head snaped up and looked at me funny, "ah, yeah! there was a whole lot of them!"

I grited my teeth, Torn wasn't stupid and Erika wasn't very convincing. Come on you pointy eared bastard! i screamed inside my mind.

it wasn't going to work i admited to myself, torn was blue faced greedy bastard. i shrugged, "come Lets get going," I nudged her toward the door.

"Torn sucks." Erika mumbled under her breath in that way that no one but me ever heard.

a loud beeping sounded, it sounded like the theme song to funky town on crack. I looked back, quirked an eyebrow and looked at erika and we shruged. i snickered. Torn was going to, Funky Town!

torn picked up the com device on his table and promptly began yelling at who ever was on the other side.

as torn talked i turn back to erika and started to dance abit with my hands, "take me To! Funky Town!" i sang softly trying to cheer her up.

she rolled her eyes and started to drag me back up the stairs.

"i'll send some one right over..." torn grumbled into the device, "You!" he snaped his fingers.

Erika frooze and turned back.

He hung up, "its a nonprofit thing, but in this weather your sure to get some tips,"

he held out a small box, erika scampered over and grabed it.

"Just don't get mugged and i won't tell Jinx you were here." he turned back to his table and ignored us.

"Um...where to..." erika asked a bit to hapily, he looked up and glared at her.

"safe house number 5 down in hte bazar," he said iratly as if we should have already known this information.

Erika turned and grinned. I groaned, more rain.

to my relief the rain had subsided to a light drizle. so there we were, in the middle of the night deleivering more crap.

"torn's a douche." i said biterly.

"he was kinda nice..." Erika mutered, "we need some money!" she proclaimed loudly.

"thank you captain obvius."

"this way!" she pointed and took a right leading us into the bazar section. there wasn't a soul on the street.

"wheres number five?" I asked agrivatedly.

"how should i know." she asnswered. i heaved a sigh. we were doomed.

we stopped under an overhang to get out of the rain, we had been walking in circles for a while and it was getting a little ridiculus. the whole thing was quite ridiculus.

"well," I said taking a seat on a large crate, "this isn't all it was cracked up to be."

"this sucks." she said and sat down next to me.

"at least we have mad mesage carieing skills."

"what are you talking about!" erika mumbled as load as she could mumble, " you call getting mugged skills?"

"HEY!" i shouted, sudenly spotting a small red symbol on a door acrooss the street.

"What?"

"isn't that the same symbol as at head quarters?" I asked. I love my dumb luck.she nodded and we scampered across the street. I knocked once. then again.

"post man always knocks twice," I informed her.

a small peep hole sudenly pushed open, "ELLO!" i said a bit startled.

"Torn sent us!" Erika chirped leaning towards the dark eye staring dwon at us.

The door flew open and we were greeted by a tall dark blue haired young man. he had pointy ears. my mind twitched and i reminded myself they all had pointy ears.

"quik," he said and ushered us in. he voice was nice, i liked it.

The safe house was small, one room with a large table and a stoved in one corner, a set of narow stairs lead up to somewhere else.

"Here you go mister safe house man!" Erika said holding out the box. i felt like slaping my head at her stupidity. So I did.

the blue haired pointy eared guy looked at us strangly.

"I'm Leni," I pointed at Erika, "thats Eruka." Erika nodded.

"Marc." he said and held out his hand, i shook it. then i stood there awkwardly for a moment.

he had on some kicken black cargo pants. I decided i wanted his pants. and a bagy gray coat. his hair was bit long for a boy by my standards, and his eyes were a lonly shade of gray and he seemed to be as dripping wet as we were...

"OH MY LOVING GOODS YOU! YOU! ROBBED US!" i screamed with the full force of my temper.

"CURSES!" erika yelled at him.

"Oh precursors... I robed Torn's messagers." he took a step back , he sounded horified, "Don't kill me...please"

I sighed, he just sounded absulutly so pathetic, "just give us back our money!"

"I...I...It's gone."

"What!" Erika screeched.

"I only robbed you cause I owed Jinx his money!" he said almost pleadingly. he hugged his wet sleeves around himself.

"GREAT NOW WE OWE HIM!" I screamed! this was unbelievable. this was ridiculus.

"I hate you!" Erika chirped angrily.

"I can pay you back!" he offered.

"What you gona do steal more?" Erika yelled at him, she was actualy quite flustered.

the gray eyed theif looked down guiltily.

"WEll." i said mater of factly, "we'll just call Jinx and sort this whole thing out..."

"NO!" Marc yelled, "don't!"

I paused, "why shouldn't I?" his subserviant maner was bothering me.

"I...I...I just payed off all my debts..."

"SO?" Erika grabed our com and puzzled over how to call our imployer.

"I'll pay you back!"

"what good will that do us now?" I asked him cynicaly. iwas staring to feel bad for the guy.

"HELloOoOoO?" Erika sang into the little green com unit, "Jinxies? you there?"

"Hello?" Jinxs weasely voice rang through.

I watched Marc eyes bulge out of his head. I wished I had I had somthing pointy to pop them with.

I snatched the com, "Yeah Jinx, this is Leni," i felt odd saying my name was Leni. to late now, "we gota problem."

"what? how could you mess somthing this simple up! leave it to women..." he mumbled the last part. I frowned at the little squak box. I looked over at Marc.

"We got robbed..."

"WHAT!" Jinx roared over the com, "that was three hundred credits!"

"Whoa whoa Jinxies..." Erika smirked at me. Marc had retreated to the table and had sat down. he buried his head in his hands and just sat there.

"we got the thief right here...name's Marc... said he piad you the money?"

the com was dead for a moment.

"were is that bastard?" jinxies highly acented voice asked a little more levely.

I opened my mouth to answer but erika snatched it back, "He RAN off." she said sounding a little crazed. Marc looked up from his sulking and gave me a disbelieving stare, i shrugged.

"you guys did good..." his voice crackled over the static.

Erika grinned at me, "We got a job then mister Jinxeis?"

It was silent for a moment. "don't call us we'll call you." his oily voice chuckled over the subpar cell phone want to be.

"Thats a good thing right? hey wait! YOu going to PAY US!" Erika shouted despratly. he had already hung up. "Curses" she clicked the buttons and aperantly it shut off.

"what am i gona do, what am i gonna do..." Marc mumbled.

"Get a job?" I said sarcasticly.

He glared at me.

Erika walked around to the other side of the table and started poking the little brown box we had delievered.

"whats in the box anyway?" I asked for pure conversations sake.

"Its a bomb." he said flatly as if he said these things every day.

"What!" we both screamed in unision.

"i'm goningt o blow up the KG dispatch building?" he asked ignoring our reaction.

I groaned.

"Your an odd one..." I told him, he ignored me.

"EEEE explosions!" erika squealed to herself.

"whats wrong with your ears?" the mild mannered unibomber asked me.

"hehehe explosives..."

I groaned, and hoped to the heavens above there were beds upstairs.


End file.
